Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself: a correctional perspective

You already know it is a complete gaffe that the media expects us to believe that Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide. While on suicide watch. Oh, wait, breaking MSM news. He actually wasn’t on suicide wa—yeah right!

How it’s literally impossible that suicide is the cause of Epstein’s death

Epstein was on suicide watch.

Another way to describe this is a Mental Health staff-ordered constant observation. Manhattan Correctional Center’s top MH official would’ve ordered Epstein remain in a security camera-monitored cell specifically designed to prevent suicide.

A plastic bed bolted to the floor. A smooth-edged sink-toilet combo. And a security smock, or turtle suit, made of tear-proof material that one cannot roll up and use to attempt hanging themselves.

More specific: the MH staff that called for this constant observation to prevent self-harm, will have worked with the MCC Shift Commanders to ensure that a correction officer would have been posted outside Epstein’s suicide proof room.


It’s called an Eyeball.

They suck.

You look at these idiots for eight hours straight, just eyeballing them for the slightest signs of attempted self-injurious behavior, which you then two-way radio in to initiate an emergency response.

So far, we have 24/7 camera surveillance and a CO trained in observing body language/behavior with nothing to do but call it in if Idiot Boy tries to kill himself.

But there’s even more.

The MH staff who called this watch writes up a Mental Health Watch Sheet. They go down the list of things an inmate can have and say yes or no based on the threat level.

For perspective:

  • eyeglass wearing inmates get their spectacles taken away because they can stab themselves with the legs;
  • toilet paper may be taken away because inmates try to swallow it and asphyxiate themselves;
  • inmates may get put on finger food status, because they would try to self-mutilate with plastic utensils;
  • and of course anything that could be used as a ligature is off-limits.

Not to mention the constant observation cell, purposefully designed spare for the safety of the inmate, does not possess anything from which to hang a ligature.

No doorknobs. No security window cranks. No bed frame.

Even in the sloppiest-run correctional environments, setting up “suicide watches” in such a way that completing a suicide is impossible is child’s play.

For the sake of playing along with the media’s bullshit, let’s say that aside from being a billionaire in spite of being talentless and a depraved pedophile and possible child-murderer, that Jeff Epstein also happened to be what we in the business call “a real con.”

That is, criminally insane and adept enough at gaming the prison system to get what they want by hurting themselves, that they become idiot savants in suicidal behavior.

I’ve seen inmates who wrap loose razor blades in palatable material so that they can swallow them to later puke them up and use them to gash their own wrists open. Or they kiester—yeah, kiddo, right up the poop shoot—the blades or other weapons in order to retrieve later so they can slice and dice. Or they’ll figure out a way to swan dive off the bolted down bed, break their necks, and try to drown themselves in the toilet.

“Real cons,” hardened psychopaths, do these things. Not Sperry-wearing, Bill Clinton buddy-pal, pedophile Richie Riches. You really think a disgusting coward like Epstein would know how to and/or have the nerve to go the extreme lengths it would take to commit suicide during a constant observation?

Keep in mind, someone’s watching the camera. Keep in mind that a CO is on his radio the second Epstein’s behavior turns self-injurious.

Oh yeah, and the official line is that he hanged himself.

As I said, there would be nothing else to possibly create a ligature with in the cell other than the turtle suit. And using that to strangle yourself to death would take strength and cunning not feasible to anyone who has dealt with them. And allowing that he did turn a turtle suit into a noose, against the laws of physics, he had nothing from which to hang himself in the cell—no leverage points to start the asphyxiation process.

It’s all bullshit.

How Epstein (may have) gotten killed

However, there’s one extremely simple way for Epstein to have been killed. Murdered.

A nurse on medicine rounds.

In prison tax-payers foot the bill for all inmates’ medications. They receive them in controlled environment several times a day in “med lines.” Inmates on MH watches also receive meds, ranging from aspirin to Metamucil to psychotropics.

I bet Epstein took something.

How painfully easy it would’ve been for a nurse to give him some form of untraceable poison? Or for higher ups to pre-load her med cart with the bad junk without her noticing?

You tell me Epstein got murdered by poison I wouldn’t bat an eye. But to roll with the nonsense story that he completed a suicide by hanging. Gtfo.


Storm Area 51 Facebook event could turn into a military industrial complex psy op? Eh, maybe.

Skip right to the bottom for the dope infographic, folks.

Storm Area 51 Facebook event background

For what it’s worth, one of the apparent meme-bros who created the storm area 51, they can’t stop us all Facebook event goes by the alias “shitposting cause im [sic] in shambles.” Common sense, therefore, dictates that this event page was conceived as a hilarious troll.

With a pinch of make-you-think-truth. That being the fact that Area 51 military security personnel would never fire on (last check 600k+) a high volume of American citizens. Because–

  1. they aren’t evil.
  2. pretending they are evil, they know they would have 600k+ live-stream-capable camera phones recording the gore.

Picturing a bunch of millenials/Gen Z types and/or memers and gamers exerting the Herculean effort necessary to get their asses to Nevada and then hike through the Nevada desert and then storm Area 51 cracks me up.

Oh–sorry, you thought that could happen?

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is possess-e1563025471280.jpg

Dumb mainstream media could hand the govt a psy op

Having said all that, it’s worth noting that the same way media tends to get bamboozled by 4Chan and other troll sources, when they don’t decide to use “anonymous” aka fake sources, they will probably infuse this story with seriousness. Right now it’s being covered at Fox News Digital in a tongue-in-cheek manner.

What happens is that the original intent of storm area 51, a shitpost, gets hijacked. By us, the peasants, to whom getting some answers (we want to believe!) Fox Mulder-style sounds swell. And then by the media who, realizing that we have turned a shitpost into a potential reality, takes it even further, turning it into a Thing.

And then it’s the Government’s turn–dun dun dun! I’m talking Deep State/CIA/Military-Industrial-Complex Psychological Operations. Here’s a pretty infographic about it.

infographic with 5 steps explaining how the storm area 51, they can't stop all of us facebook event is a government orchestrated psychological operation. it could lead to alien disclosure about extraterrestrial life.

Mindscapes Unimagined, Horror Anthology Featuring My Short Story Now Available on Kindle

The paperback edition is still a wee bit pricey at $17.99, but the Kindle version is now available for $5.99. There are 24 fantastic stories by international authors in this 350-page horror anthology published by Left Hand Publishers.

My short story, “Menagerie,” a bleak crime/supernatural horror mashup about a father grieving the loss of his daughter, is featured.

Blood Sugar Cauldron: Lovecraftian Flash Fiction Inspired by an Existential Candy Meme


by Tom Scanlan

I remember when War Heads sprang into existence because it’s when my problem started.

As a kid, I used to consume the hard sour candies until my tongue split and bled. The sugar (C6H12O6) became inseparable from my blood.

I changed.

I yearn for Sour Patch Kids and the lesser sour candies still. I eat them until the roof of my mouth turns into dry whale ribs that I can run my tongue over, a xylophone that produces not sound but pain. I gorge myself on them at the expense of my body, which turns the sugar into fat that stuffs my skin like an overfilled sand bag.

I’m in the 24-hour Seven Eleven. I come here while the world sleeps. I’m studying the candy section for my next selection, when I hear the universe chant unintelligible words. I see a vast cauldron nested in a corner of the cosmos. Dark amber glucose tar churns inside, popping, sizzling, letting off a sweet hot candy reek. The presence from whose mouth the chemical song comes ignores the spitting liquid scalding its space-time flesh.

Does the presence notice me notice it? I think it does.

I think it wants me to know.

Its ululations increase in volume. I need to blot out the noise. It sounds like something is being willed into existence…

Is the time now?

The bag of sour Now & Laters my glassy eyes have been looking beyond shakes. One by one, bags of Sour Worms, Sour Skittles, Air Head Xtreme Sours, Sour Jolly Ranchers, Sour Trollis, and the War Heads that started this journey, tremble. The plastic containers crinkle. The loose grains of sugar inside them shake like sand in maracas.


A pale employee with a neck beard looks at me intently.


“I’ve been asking if you can hear me. Lay off the weed, dude. For fuck’s sake.”

“I’m not high,” I say. “I–” I can’t tell another person that I’ve been communicating with a deity I call (C6H12O6) about the progenation of its offspring.

I keep my mouth shut.

The cashier shrugs. “Fine. Whatever then. Stare at the candy until you get your heart’s fill.”

“Wait,” I say, before he walks away.


I cough. My throat’s felt tight, but now I can breathe. “Bags. Please get me bags to carry my selection up. I’m going to need a lot of candy tonight.”


gummy bear horror

I started this post as a means of sharing this hilarious meme about gummy bears becoming a singular consciousness because they melted in a car. I thought I’d leave a funny line about how my die hard consumption of War Heads, as a 90s kid drawn to their “extreme sour” allure, contributed to candy somehow acquiring consciousness.

Then this flash piece took on a life of its own, and then a half-decent form, and then after a couple hours with it, I realized it’s kind of a cool story.

You know… “what if…

  • you took a sweet (sour) tooth to its illogical extreme?”
  • gave that creeper in the late-night convenient store setting a cosmic backstory?”
  • considered that environmental forces and nutrition are already changing our bodies in ways no one could’ve foreseen in the 1950s, and gave that horror a dollop of glucose?”

Anyway, I don’t try flash fiction often. Let me know if this makes you think/feel anything!

Hellraiser / Boss Baby Crossover in the Works

Sources tell me that Doug Bradley and Alec Baldwin are going to provide a simultaneous voice-over for the Infant Hell-Priest Secret Agent.

The script involves baby Pinhead trapped in a playpen at a busy daycare in Liverpool, tormenting staff and mates by stealing snacks, hitting with toys, and incessantly soiling his diapees. All the while, he must solve an Illuminati conspiracy to get out of his infant form.

Paramount’s release date set for Summer Solstice, 2666.

baby hellraiser

This is fake news.

My story “A Little Poor Taste Wartime Humor” is in issue #6 of Bone Parade

You can read my latest short story, “A Little Poor Taste Wartime Humor” here.

The story is about a couple and their young daughter coping with the on-set of WWIII. I thought it would be fun to write a mid-apocalyptic storyThere’s dark humor and high emotional stakes, along with vivid descriptions of warships roaring across the Atlantic and the mountains of Appalachia.

It’s also a quick read.

What else could you want, right?

If you like the story, it would mean a lot to me if you shared it on Facebook or Twitter. I’ve given up on social media myself because all of the political vitriol is bad for my mental health.

T.S. Junior Interview: “What I like about crime fiction so much is that it deals with the most extreme situations that people find themselves in”

The Dorset Book Detective

T.S JuniorShort story writer T.S Junior, who is soon to publish his first full length novel, provides me with an overview of his inspirations and how his love of politics and experience working in prison has helped him to create the tension filled tales he has become known for.

Tell me about how you came to define your writing style. What drew you towards crime fiction and mystery writing?

This is a great question. The truth is that only after twelve years of writing fiction do I think that my writing style has started to set like concrete. It started with Crime and Punishment for me. Fyodor Dostoevsky is of course mythically good. The close psychic distance in his third person narration, with a lot of indirect discourse, formed my approach to fiction. His philosophical bent and use of gritty imagery also influenced me. What I like about crime fiction so…

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